The Country needs new Men.

The older ones among us know this song and so do the fans of the “New German Wave” from the 80s:

“Ich sprüh’s an jede Wand, neue Männer braucht das Land” (I’ll spray it on every wall, the country needs new men) is how the singer Ina Deter almost desperately shouts it out.

I see my mother in front of me, I in my 20s, she in her 40s, as we dance together, my mother with closed eyes in front of me with her rhythmic body movements full of hope and devotion, singing the song “The country needs new men”.

The song is more topical than ever.

The desperation of many women is huge to find a man who excites her so much at the beginning that she enjoy spending time with him. Regardless of what comes of it.

My mother has had her own experiences with men, married 3x, 1x with my father, the 2nd time with the father of my half-sister and for the last 20 years the 3rd time…now constantly married.

She once said to me, “If I could pick a piece of all 3 men, I would have the perfect man.”

Yes, if it were that easy.

We know that we can never get all the pieces of the puzzle with one partner.

However, we would wish that with a 1000 piece puzzle, we would at least find 700, 800, 850 pieces with that one partner.

In the beginning, in the first days, weeks, maybe months, it feels like the completed puzzle – 1000 pieces, a great overall picture.

After years, it feels like 200 pieces remain and we wonder where the remaining 800 pieces we had longed for have gone.

Even more – parts are suddenly untraceable that were still there at the beginning.

And if when the wind blows in the face of the partner:  Then more pieces fly off, and when the edges and corners of the puzzle are also lost, the effort to be together becomes bigger and bigger.

We realise more and more that we will never again experience the puzzle as we imagine it as a whole with this partner.

Did we want too much?

Have we made a mistake?

Are we too dreamy?

Yet it is still different.

As children, we were very annoyed if even a single piece of the puzzle was missing at the end.

If it could not be found because it had fallen victim to the hoover or disappeared somewhere under the corner of the sofa.

The puzzle looked unfinished with that single missing piece.

This one missing piece disturbed our view of the whole picture immensely. All our effort seemed in vain!

Let’s stop doing a puzzle or seeing a puzzle!

Build a house of you, with the pieces you have available or are trying to gather. Nothing prefabricated.

By doing this, you open up many more ways to meet new great people.

With this you decide who you want to let into your life with the possibilities that are available to you at the moment, how you continue to explore and experiment in your life and in love, how you position yourself in the love relationship and when you both dissolve the love relationship again in mindfulness and mutual respect for each other.

The woman or man will thank you for it!

How this may look like for men is the subject of these short stories, which are told again and again in this or a similar way.

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